Baby me :)

Maybe it’s the wine, maybe it’s the Mobb Deep, maybe it’s the Iphoto albums but all I can think is that I can never go home.

I will never again sit in my tiny pool in a neon bikini as my white blonde side-ponytail gets all the more blonde. I can never play dolls with Tara in my backyard, imagining scenarios of what life would be like right about now…

Baby Tara, bff

I’ll never again spy on my neighbor Connor and wish his “cool friends” were mine too. I can never sit in my flower-wallpapered bedroom dreaming of a California life. I can never again romp around Seaside Heights in scandalous halters with Eva as we dreamt of kisses from overly gelled Italians…

Me and Eva all grown up, with her babe

I’ll never stain my lips in black for “senior week.” I’ll never have sleepovers a short distance from any number of Wawas. Kelley’s house will never again be the sole safe-haven for making out with boys (not that I was EVER so fortunate)…

Kelley and me, all grown up enough for drinks in brown paper bags

I’ll only have one graduation poolside moment where Georgie acknowledges how much we wanted to kiss each other. I’ll never feel the insecurity brought upon by Brian, Dennis, or Dan- “does he like me, does he like me, does he like me?” I can never again cross the bridge to Philly with fantasies of the adventures I’ll have at school paired with a craving for soft pretzels and a pumpkin spice latte, laughing with Jen. I’ll never again skip wildly across my freshly mowed lawn to intercept my acceptance letter for USC from the postman: the thing that would drastically change my life.

“Home” is obviously not a place. Now I can only visit the people, whom are all spread out as a constant reminder that absolutely nothing will ever be the same.

Who would’ve thought I’d miss all the immense awkwardness and the stability of boring ol’ routine?

Sometimes I just must admit, for no specific reason, I miss home. It was oh so lovely an existence…

From my cross country trip to LA