I have decided that one of my greatest flaws is my ability to allow the amazing to become mundane. That’s just a fancy way of expressing my lack of gratitude. Of course sometimes I just jump around my house practically caressing the hardwood floors while I fawn over the joys of marriage and thank God for my amazing jobs and beautiful friends. But not always.

Drew became genuinely upset with me the other day because I had an absolutely wonderful morning that I forgot to praise after I blew a callback so badly hours later. In my defense, I wasn’t actually upset I didn’t get the movie; the point was that I was so disappointed in my feigned confidence. But still… I’ll admit to being a roller-coaster of emotion. A victory can completely count out a failure in my mind, as can a failure count out a victory. I understand how bad this is: truly a lack of perspective.

Anyway, I won’t let my brain explode trying to figure my weaknesses out, but it feels good to admit, hey readers, I completely suck at being level-headed. I really do live so many of my dreams come true, but always seeking the next thrill is very unhealthy. All that being said, here’s the great morning to my crappy evening.

A handful of actor friends and I get together every Monday to set goals, analyze scripts, watch movies, share stories, and so on. When it was my turn to speak I expressed a prayer I’ve spoken a lot lately. “I just really need representation that believes in me. I want an agent… and ya know, I don’t wanna drive all over Los Angeles killing myself over it. I want it to be easy. I just want it to happen, naturally.” I have a fancy, cool manager but it’s great to have both. Everyone suggested I find agents I like and mail them my acting package. I smiled but inwardly rolled my eyes knowing that hasn’t worked for me before. (A great attitude, I know.)

So, I get home that night and check my email to discover a great agent has written me, (that very night!) “Are you interested in commercial and print representation? Call us.” I googled the name to insure this was the agency I remembered and it had nothing but sparkling reviews from clients all over the web. (Side note for all you non-actors, an actor can have a variety of people working for them including up to three agents and one manager. Managers have smaller client lists and they’re supposed to guide the specifics of your career then one agent can get you print work while another gets you TV and movie work and the last sets you up for commercials.) Needless to say I nabbed their earliest appointment and was there with bells on Wednesday morning.

The interview began easily and the agent and I were laughing quickly. We traded stories, favorite TV shows, and worst industry experiences. Before we knew it he was asking if I would be willing to move to New York for anything and how skilled I am for sitcoms. Finally he tapped his face and said, “Wait, I brought you in for commercial and print, why are we talking theatrical?” (TV and movie) 

I gave a sly smile, “We can talk theatrical all day. I love your passion and energy and I need someone great who believes in me. I know I don’t have the credits, but that’s what I need someone great for. Help me really get started.”

He sat back in his plush chair and smiled, “So, you’re interested in representation across the board?”

“Absolutely.”

We both sat in a moment of silent expectation until he placed a hand over my pictures and reel, “I will call you. Very soon.” I felt at ease with him after joking around an entire hour so I put on my most exaggerated expression of hopefulness and exclaimed, “Call me!” as I left the office.

I shut and locked the door to my car, looked up to heaven and shouted, “Pleeeease tell me it will be this easy! This easy!” It seemed nearly too good to be true. However, an hour later the agent and I were on the phone, he requesting more of my pictures and I trying not to scream with glee.

So, this of course should be my focus. I do think tearing apart my disastrous callback is good for the sake of realizing where I went wrong. But now, time to let go! My desires are becoming flesh all around me and nothing, nothing should steal that joy away.