Johnathon Miller

I’m so excited to play dress up. It seems actors always speak about the power of a costume. Perhaps that explains my interest in styling as well; it’s fascinating how transformative clothing can be. Even when I improvised a monologue in my childhood mirror it simply could not be without a thorough peruse of my wardrobe. I laid necklaces across my forehead to channel Cleopatra and found my shiny pink cape essential now and again. Even now, working with a good stylist thrills. One gets to take constant steps outside comfort zones all in the name of art.

I perform with my improv team in my own wardrobe but will soon channel a Beverly Hill’s brat and then a prep school teen. I’ve got constant butterflies just imagining the near future.

Jan Welters

Me + Foreigner + Tom Banks = 

Tuesday was one of those magnificent days when it seems each moment is the happy wrap up of a romantic comedy starring Jennifer Aniston. Order a small Pomegranate Blueberry Tea Latte and they unwittingly make you a large, drive around Hollywood Boulevard for only three seconds before finding a free spot, and spend prescious moments with Karis, 4 and sassy.

It has been raining like mad in Los Angeles and Tuesday was no exception. Drivers became unhinged and fearfully, often at fours mile per hour, crawled down the drenched freeways. However, nothing was going to bother me that day. I securely sat on cloud 9 awaiting my 4:15PM audition.

When I pulled into WB’s parking structure it seemed clear I’d be running a far way in the rain, completely diminishing my strategic waves from “sexy beach” to drenched rat. Instead it abruptly stopped while I walked to the building and promptly started back up when I was within. Heaven kissed, thank you.

I read for a great role on a successful crime drama and I’d even get to die, which is one of my dramatic dreams. The casting director brought me through the scene twice before inviting me for a callback the following day. “Felicity,” c’mon, she had to be mine. As I left the rain had stopped. It poured again when I nestled into my car. I told my mom, “Hey, can’t this be a sign? Look at all the nice things that happened today; maybe I have the part!”

It was a nice sentiment but today proved to be untrue as another girl scooped up the role while I remained “good, but not right for this one.”

Regardless, I’ll consider yesterday a part of my fairy tale. I may not get everything that I want, and especially not specifically when I want it, but as I stood with my husband, brother, best friend, and friends outside of IO West comedy club where I’d just performed I knew I had everything I needed. Dreams can come true tomorrow… or the next day.

* Both photos from I Love Wildfox.

The old man’s hands shook as he held the papers uncommonly close to his face. He had that sweet, almost forfeited depth in his eyes that many older people seem to have; as though he’d gained peace with the up and down roller coaster of life after 70 some years of riding it.

He looked to me with his watery eyes and managed a half smile despite his apparent nerves. The casting director called his name and he slowly stood from his chair and climbed onto the small stage before us. The room shared a collective hush of breath held and I pondered being that age, what he must have seen, wondered if he was a good man all along. I sighed out in gratitude as I looked to the gold band on his left hand; I hate to picture old people all alone in the end.

He swayed and had trouble on his feet as many old men do to which the casting director asked, “Are you drunk?” This was intended to be a joke, but we all seemed to imagine it hit too low. It must be quite difficult to go from agile to faltering. 

The man answered, a bit offended though trying to mask it, “Haven’t had a drop in twenty two years.” We all smiled and he proceeded to read the scene. There were some misplaced words, but everyone could tell he was a wonderful actor. In the end it felt natural to applaud him after such a laborious undertaking. He retreated back to his chair and when I smiled he voiced disgust. “That was terrible. Just terrible.” I argued, of course, but he had already resolved it in his mind. 

I discovered later that he had a very prosperous and successful career in the 1950’s and beyond. He starred with some of the greats and, well, it made me sad that later in life we’d find ourselves in the same room. I, at the beginning of my journey with prayers to be discovered and he, at the end of his life, sharing my same prayers. It begged the question, when is enough enough?

When a hopeful actor touches down in Hollywood they imagine that there are hundreds of thousands of pathetic people chasing similar desires who will never be as good as they. However, although there may be 99,999 terrible actors, the rest are pretty good. Great even. There truly is a ton of tough, substantial competition. So, when one is talented, prepared, and well-studied it simply comes down to playing roulette: whose space will the ball land on next?Of course I believe that God destines us for things, but I suppose that’s the point. I wonder how many people just desperately want this, and are even fully skilled to have it, compared to those who have really sought their hearts and found, “this is the only thing for me.”

I’ve had the privilege of experimenting and enjoyed a wide array of careers. I helped produce a show for New York fashion week, worked as a celebrity stylist, wrote for a nationwide publication, did music reviews for Universal, and even had a stint at a talent agency. All in all, my heart consistently draws me back to “actress,” but I love not limiting myself to that alone. 

Recently a fear has even grown inside of me, on behalf of myself and those around me. I’ve wondered, which of us is missing, or has missed the boat? So many gifted people strive an entire lifetime to act and, even if they’ve been guest stars on an a host of television shows, sometimes it only adds up to maybe one year of solid acting work. It’s quite heartbreaking, actually.

They call my home “the city of broken dreams,” but whose dreams? Who is living out a dead childhood fantasy or feeding off a pressure not to fail, all the while losing sight, or even being incapable to see, the extent of their true desires? Sometimes I wonder if the cure to cancer or the next Nobel Peace Prize recipient isn’t just sitting in a Colgate audition. 

In the end, I will always be an avid and fierce advocate of never giving up. But, without open eyes and a true sense of self there’s no way to be sure one is refusing to abandon the correct thing. It’s OK, wonderful even, to want to be an actor. Just be sure that it is your love and not your fear that is driving you. And not because, “geez, you’re never gonna make it” but because the peace of doing what one is born to do must be the most exhilarating, beautiful thing imaginable. 

<3

Rock of Love

VH1

A couple months ago I was driving in the Valley around 6PM and spotted this girl as I sat at a red light. She was headed towards this mini-mall type of place and there was one question I pondered: is that chick a hooker or an actress? Honest to the sweet heavens, I was not being judgmental; I was genuinely curious.  

As you know, I’m part of that sex industry non-profit so my heart went out to her, but it was still worth investigating. She wore a teeny-tiny black skirt, one of the those neon pink excuses for a shirt that swooped down to her belly button, and high wedge heels. Her hair was teased to the roof. My car remained idling at the red light as I watched her walking past the yogurt shop and into this mysterious door. The sign on the side of the building read “So and so’s Construction” so I resolved to her being the former assumption and continued on my way.

About a month later, I found out about this place where you can pay 30-60 bucks a session to meet a variety of Hollywood’s finest casting directors and I resolved to join. One joins the organization by audition only, so I headed out to do so. Low and behold, I pulled up to the same place where I had spotted the actooker/hooktress and found myself walking the same stairs she did. The casting place was next to the construction place. I laughed to myself and changed my verdict on the girl.

I bring this up to beg all you fellow actresses a favor. Please, please learn the true definition of sex appeal! I know we are all pining and begging to be noticed but consider a few points:

A) 90% of the casting directors I’ve met are either flamboyantly gay or female. The former group is known for their impeccable sense of style while the latter will just be inclined to judge you and the vagina they can see in clear view when you sit down. 

B) At least one poker straight CD begged the girls listening to keep the modesty up. “Believe me,” he noted, “if I can see the majority of your breast and your underwear, my eyes will split your audition time between the two and forget to hear a word you say.”

C) Sex appeal can be achieved WITH CLOTHES! I know this may be quite a revelation, but it’s oh so true. First, follow the simple rule: chose to show leg OR cleavage, NOT BOTH. Second, please use this picture as a blueprint:

There is not even a sliver of skin let alone a straying nipple and yet, would you not gawk at this girl’s hottness if you saw her leaning on your local mailbox? Her being a model aside, look at the length of leg you can show a casting director with all the modesty that would make even the most strict momma proud. That’s right ladies, you can even wear a sweater.

In short I’m begging you to use a little common sense and an overall feeling of self-esteem when dressing. It is essentially a business meeting of sorts, after all. If you wanna wear a crotchless unitard to the club be my guest, but pair your auditions with the thought and faith that your talent will carry you through.

Just had to get that off my chest. Thank you. 

As many know by now, I like having complete transparency in my writing. When I’m up, it’s known, when I’m down, it’s clear. That being said, I’ve been struggling with the idea of “success” for a while…uh, I mean forever. And lately, it’s rearing its ugly six headed being in a more full force. It would seem that, as honored as I may be to work for successful people, my supposed lack of accomplishment keeps nawing at my feet, begging the question, “Brenda, are you really on the right path? Are you actually walking in the right direction?” For some clarity, here is my story.

In elementary school I was exceedingly quiet. I don’t recall being shy, but more so, observant. I used to sing, loudly and proudly, in the privacy of my bedroom constantly so when the teacher announced auditions for the “head ringmaster” of our circus concert, it seemed natural that I audition. It never occurred to me how astonished Mrs. Dash and her class would be when I opened my mouth and allowed that loud, belty voice to escape. All my classmates’ teeny mouths lay agape as Mrs. Dash uttered several surprised adjectives, staccato.

I remember just how I felt to this day. There was a flush in my cheeks and a gentle roll butterflies breaking through their cocoons in my tummy. I gazed out into the bleachers ahead and knew I had stumbled upon something incredible. The passion I uncovered that day has never left.

In the beginning, I did all I could to move forward. I auditioned for plays in middle school and in between seasons I sought opportunities in the paper for community theater. Not long after I educated myself on local talent agencies and decided to meet with the only “bigwig” I could find: Edie Rob of Talentworks, renown for discovering the 3 Lawrence brothers.

My rejection letter from Edie Robb.

As you can see, it was a disaster. Well, she didn’t type “humiliating failure” in the letter but, believe, it was! My lack of confidence held me back worse than a bouncer would in a bar fight. I couldn’t deliver amidst my fear. Thankfully, local theater kept up my resolve and an understanding that I was talented, just lacking a strong sense of self with the New York or Philadelphia types of industry folk.

However, I never ceased to dream. I spent countless hours in my room creating monologues, rearranging my furniture to resemble a set, teaching myself to cry in the mirror, and staring in awe at the huge screens in local movie theaters. I imagined my life as a pint-sized starlett and even cried in misery over Anna Chlumsky’s role in My Girl. “Why wasn’t I in that movie,” I begged my mom, “Why didn’t I audition?” After I wiped my tears I just imagined myself as her instead, with pretend cameras capturing my Oscar-worthy reaction to Macaulay’s bee death in the back yard.

by Bruce Weber

Fast-forward to today and it’s hard to figure out who I’m “supposed” to be. I have friends my age with Oscar nods, others with starring roles in motion pictures, more who audition constantly, and a few who appear on TV now and again. If I had a dollar every time I heard, “Oh geez, I just was modeling and thought acting would maybe be kinda fun, ya know? And boom! Haha, isn’t that so funny?!” … Yeah. Hilarious. Plainly, it has been confusing, and sometimes disheartening or lonely, to be in a category all my own. I hardly feel like delving into all my supposed woes and instead would prefer to highlight my many blessings.

Honestly, everything I’ve accomplished came so naturally, it just flowed like sweet honey. Those blessings are uncomplicated and lovely. I moved to Los Angeles in short notice after being encouraged by an acting coach. From there every home in which I resided flowed from one to the next. My relationship with Drew was easy from the start and the way we met was never forced. I fell into celebrity styling without even trying, then into PA extraordinaire from there, and have written for magazines simply thanks to word of mouth. None of that is glamorous, but the moments within it all have been cinematic and beautiful; a huge adventure, for sure. But, those were the things I never pined over and exhausted myself towards. It’s all been more like eating a piece of cake I was simply offered- then kicking butt at gobbling it all up.

So, perhaps the lesson is: relax… I am creating- with my Creator- everything I desire. I need to just enjoy the ride.

Enjoy life!!